Wednesday, 25 September 2013

Just Keep Swimming

Gah. So. University started again this week. I always knew that it would be a bit difficult to get back into the swing of thing and I was right. I have to stay at Jack's house every night I have uni the next day, which I love, but it means I have such a lot of time away from my home.

We now wake up two hours earlier at 6:15am and usually get back at about 6:00pm. Getting up early has never been too much of a problem for me, so on the first day I was just tired and nervous. Jack started at 9:30am but I didn't have anything until lunch time. After he left I found two of my friends in the library where also in early which I was so very grateful for, so I chatted for them and calmed down a bit as anxiety was starting to creep in. By midday, I decided that my anxiety was too bad to go to the lecture, and that I would meet Jack for lunch and work some more in the library until we got the bus home. The afternoon was really long. I was on my own, my breathing and anxiety where starting to wobble a bit and I was so exhausted and feeling a bit ill. Right there in the library I just tried to entertain myself and distract myself with various different internet things. There was a really lovely girl who saw I wasnt going to the lecture and looked a bit upset, and came to ask if I was okay. She also followed up with an email later saying that she was there If I needed a chat which was so lovely. Despite not seeing everyone for probably half a year or so, everyone treats my like they are my friend, and they are all very kind to me. I did manage to get a good start on my new project though, and get a really good book from the library, but it was not a great day at all. Jack was pretty stressed out and miserable that day too (because of uni). So although we tried our best to comfort each other it was hard work because I think all either of us wanted, well especially me, was a lot of attention and TLC and a reminder that everything was going to be okay. It was a bit of a teary night, and I just remember waking up in the morning crying again because I didn't want the day to be a repeat.

So, although that morning was not fantastic and I could have SO easily curled up and gone back to sleep, I made myself go in as I was not going to go in for just one day and let it get the better of me. I didn't want to, but I did. And I'm glad I did, because surprisingly it was a much better day. My friends were in the library relatively early too, so time with them really calmed me down, and then I had the rest of the morning to just work on my new project. I did not go to the lecture, but I felt better about it. I think small, slow but sure stops are going to be best for me here. I'm proud that I am at the stage where I can work in the uni library and feel okay. I met Jack for lunch again feeling pretty good, and then helped out a friend set up a studio for her shoot in the early afternoon. Everything was finished by about 3:00pm so we where able to buy popcorn and relax until the bus. The bus didn't turn up for another two hours, but it was okay because we were just chatting and eating and being all lovely. We then chilled for the evening on Minecraft and eating yummy food.

Setting up the studio.

A preview of some work-in-progress development and research. More coming soon.

And now for tonight's mini haul. I just made my first ever purchase on, it's just a basic scoop neck basic top, but I'm so very much looking forward to it arriving. When you have limited money to spend you really do focus down on things you both need AND want, and the satisfaction of buying it is all the greater. I also just ordered a raindrop design iPhone case for about £1.50 on ebay which I am so very excited for - for anyone who knows me you know that I love the rain so this is pretty much my perfect thing ever. Plus the fact that it's really cheap. I love it. Last but not least I bought the book The Halloween Tree by Rad Bradbury which is the spooky novel for October for the book club that I run. I'm not sure when it will be arriving as it was a bit hard to source, but lets just hope that it will not be too long.

Right now, I'm feeling a bit stressed, teary, sad and anxious. I think it's just because this week has been mentally tiring and I just need a good relax session. Going to go to bed soon, but will probably watch the new Downton Abbey first! I have been experiementing with meditation to calm my anxiety so I may give that a bit of a go too. I hope everyone has been having a great week, I'd love to hear about it!

Love from


  1. I LOVE that picture, it reminds me of year 6 at Primary school when my class learnt about World War 2 and I fell in love with that era (not the death and violence of course)! You're a Downton fan too?! I just love it! Lady Sybill was my favourites though, but Violet is still there so I remain happy:P

    I hope you relax into the swing of things soon:) Have a soak in a bath on me, ha ha!
    Love, Lou xx